I like this kid a lot. He's the student who I didn't have much of a relationship with at all until I called his parents, or more accurately, left a message on his parents' phone. He had an uncharacteristically good day, so I left a glowing voicemail to attempt some positive reinforcement.
The next day, as all the kumquats were bounding into the building, I spotted this student. As I was passing him, I mentioned that I had called his parents. Not expecting an answer, I walked back to my door. As I stood there, this student stalked straight toward me with downcast eyes, and I remember having a slight fear that he was coming over to punch me.
He wasn't. Instead, he silently put out his hand for a handshake–a "young man's handshake." That was the first of many.
I shake hands or otherwise physically greet a few of my students, and they all do it differently. This student is partial to a slow, methodical progression–seamlessly going from a fingers-vertical and -splayed palm slap and ending with that comforting, tight finger squeeze.
Below is the interview. I've taken some things out but haven't altered anything that's in–obviously.
How was your day?
Terrible.
Why?
Because I had a detention in Ms. ____’s class. She’s a terrible teacher.
Why?
She gave me a detention for seven minutes, and she didn’t have a reason why. All I did was sit down and play games on my phone.
Were you supposed to be using phones at that time?
Nope.
Do you feel like, since you were using your phone, that you did earn your detention?
Yep.
So what do you think we should talk about?
All I think about is video games. I have three favorite games. Justice, GTA-5, and I like Call of Duty: Black-ops 2.
What do you like about them?
They all...you can fight and kill. The GTA-5 and Justice is about fighting. GTA-5 you can fight and kill people with guns and weapons and punching. And I like Call of Duty because you can use a ballistic knife; it’s like you can shoot a knife.
What do you think you would do if you didn’t have video games?
Probably…nothing. Probably just stick with TV. Or probably play outside a little bit. Play football.
Do you like this school?
Not much. Not like no. Medium. It’s sometimes cool.
Name some things for sometimes cool.
Like when we do physical education it’s fun. I still haven’t went there; I go next marking period. And sometimes in math class it’s fun because we play on the computer. We play Minecraft and stuff.
How about what you dislike about the school.
Some teachers. Ms. ______. I don’t like Mr. ______; he’s sometimes cool. And I don’t like ______ anymore. Or ______.
Why don’t you like those teachers?
Some of them are real strict. Some really annoy me, and that’s why I just leave the classroom and go to another and I just chill there.
Do you feel like you learn more in classes with the strict teachers?
Little bit.
Do you like that?
No.
Why?
Cause sometimes with a teacher that I don’t like, I don’t like to do much work.
Cause you don’t like the teacher?
Yes. They give us real hard work and when we raise our hands to ask a question, sometimes they just ignore us. Sometimes it’s noisy in class, and Ms. ______ just ignores me cause I didn’t do it the first time.
First time?
Like sometimes when I want teachers' attention I try to yell to get her attention and she gives me a consequence.
Do you think that’s fair?
No….yes…yes and no.
What do you mean?
The reason I say yes: because I yelled without permission, and the reason I say no is because she didn’t pay attention to me when I raised my hand the first time.
...
What's something you really like to do every day in school?
When we’re doing free time, I like to stick with the phone, because me and the phone, we got a connection; we’re like best friends. We tight. It’s like a best buddy situation.
What do you get with a phone that you don’t get with a person?
I don’t get like responds, like, when I say something to people they respond, and a phone doesn’t do that. And I can download an app on the phone that will talk to me. And I can physically interact with my phone.
If you had to choose a best friend or your phone, which would you choose?
It’s really hard to choose because I love my phone very much, but a best friend can do things that a phone can’t. I’d probably choose a best friend cause they’d always be there. A phone, that junk would just die down and break.
What do you think of my teaching?
It’s cool. The points and stuff. There’s not many bad things. It’s just…you sometimes take the phone away after one consequence.
...
Do you feel like you’ve learned a lot in my class?
Not like no no, but like medium, but more yes than no. Sometimes I choose not to do my work. But you help me with my work. I can read bigger words this year. Last year I couldn’t spell river, but this year I can spell like unconscious. I normally forget the e in river.
Sometimes in Ms. _____'s class, she makes us do like read and tell a definition of words that we never heard of before; that’s another reason I don’t like her class. She gives us words that are fake. There’s a word like curtaleeis; I don’t even know if that was a word. That’s what I asked her for and then she put up the definition. After that day I went home and looked it up in the dictionary and it was there. I think it was like curtaleeis. Curtailis. Curtails.
Curtails? That's a word.
Yeah that was it. Curtails.
...
Here was my impression after this interview: This student, who I've been teaching for months and months, speaks more...precisely than I ever knew. When I had him alone, and he had a chance to warm up, he was stringing together long sentences with some complex words. I had never heard this out of him before. It floored me, but also made me feel a bit guilty. If I don't know this much about a student I feel I have a good rapport with, how much don't I know about students I have no rapport with?
Which leads me to one last thought. A handshake isn't a relationship, no matter how pleasant it may feel to share with a student.
The next day, as all the kumquats were bounding into the building, I spotted this student. As I was passing him, I mentioned that I had called his parents. Not expecting an answer, I walked back to my door. As I stood there, this student stalked straight toward me with downcast eyes, and I remember having a slight fear that he was coming over to punch me.
He wasn't. Instead, he silently put out his hand for a handshake–a "young man's handshake." That was the first of many.
I shake hands or otherwise physically greet a few of my students, and they all do it differently. This student is partial to a slow, methodical progression–seamlessly going from a fingers-vertical and -splayed palm slap and ending with that comforting, tight finger squeeze.
Below is the interview. I've taken some things out but haven't altered anything that's in–obviously.
How was your day?
Terrible.
Why?
Because I had a detention in Ms. ____’s class. She’s a terrible teacher.
Why?
She gave me a detention for seven minutes, and she didn’t have a reason why. All I did was sit down and play games on my phone.
Were you supposed to be using phones at that time?
Nope.
Do you feel like, since you were using your phone, that you did earn your detention?
Yep.
So what do you think we should talk about?
All I think about is video games. I have three favorite games. Justice, GTA-5, and I like Call of Duty: Black-ops 2.
What do you like about them?
They all...you can fight and kill. The GTA-5 and Justice is about fighting. GTA-5 you can fight and kill people with guns and weapons and punching. And I like Call of Duty because you can use a ballistic knife; it’s like you can shoot a knife.
What do you think you would do if you didn’t have video games?
Probably…nothing. Probably just stick with TV. Or probably play outside a little bit. Play football.
Do you like this school?
Not much. Not like no. Medium. It’s sometimes cool.
Name some things for sometimes cool.
Like when we do physical education it’s fun. I still haven’t went there; I go next marking period. And sometimes in math class it’s fun because we play on the computer. We play Minecraft and stuff.
How about what you dislike about the school.
Some teachers. Ms. ______. I don’t like Mr. ______; he’s sometimes cool. And I don’t like ______ anymore. Or ______.
Why don’t you like those teachers?
Some of them are real strict. Some really annoy me, and that’s why I just leave the classroom and go to another and I just chill there.
Do you feel like you learn more in classes with the strict teachers?
Little bit.
Do you like that?
No.
Why?
Cause sometimes with a teacher that I don’t like, I don’t like to do much work.
Cause you don’t like the teacher?
Yes. They give us real hard work and when we raise our hands to ask a question, sometimes they just ignore us. Sometimes it’s noisy in class, and Ms. ______ just ignores me cause I didn’t do it the first time.
First time?
Like sometimes when I want teachers' attention I try to yell to get her attention and she gives me a consequence.
Do you think that’s fair?
No….yes…yes and no.
What do you mean?
The reason I say yes: because I yelled without permission, and the reason I say no is because she didn’t pay attention to me when I raised my hand the first time.
...
What's something you really like to do every day in school?
When we’re doing free time, I like to stick with the phone, because me and the phone, we got a connection; we’re like best friends. We tight. It’s like a best buddy situation.
What do you get with a phone that you don’t get with a person?
I don’t get like responds, like, when I say something to people they respond, and a phone doesn’t do that. And I can download an app on the phone that will talk to me. And I can physically interact with my phone.
If you had to choose a best friend or your phone, which would you choose?
It’s really hard to choose because I love my phone very much, but a best friend can do things that a phone can’t. I’d probably choose a best friend cause they’d always be there. A phone, that junk would just die down and break.
What do you think of my teaching?
It’s cool. The points and stuff. There’s not many bad things. It’s just…you sometimes take the phone away after one consequence.
...
Do you feel like you’ve learned a lot in my class?
Not like no no, but like medium, but more yes than no. Sometimes I choose not to do my work. But you help me with my work. I can read bigger words this year. Last year I couldn’t spell river, but this year I can spell like unconscious. I normally forget the e in river.
Sometimes in Ms. _____'s class, she makes us do like read and tell a definition of words that we never heard of before; that’s another reason I don’t like her class. She gives us words that are fake. There’s a word like curtaleeis; I don’t even know if that was a word. That’s what I asked her for and then she put up the definition. After that day I went home and looked it up in the dictionary and it was there. I think it was like curtaleeis. Curtailis. Curtails.
Curtails? That's a word.
Yeah that was it. Curtails.
...
Here was my impression after this interview: This student, who I've been teaching for months and months, speaks more...precisely than I ever knew. When I had him alone, and he had a chance to warm up, he was stringing together long sentences with some complex words. I had never heard this out of him before. It floored me, but also made me feel a bit guilty. If I don't know this much about a student I feel I have a good rapport with, how much don't I know about students I have no rapport with?
Which leads me to one last thought. A handshake isn't a relationship, no matter how pleasant it may feel to share with a student.