As a result of my recent foray into the world of teaching, I've typed some pretty strange phrases into Google. These are things that I was shocked to find in my search history.
I find it almost comical to look back at the unlikely trajectory of my immediate post-graduate life. For example, How the hell did I become a (temporary) teacher?! When did I go from young-blood aspiring journo to stressed-out faux teacher?
These are things I ask myself. And though concrete answers may not be readily available through my search history, at the very least it can provide revealing snapshots of the progression of this seemingly random series of events.
I'll now share with you some of my more revealing searches from the past six months. Some will be as far back as the weeks before I graduated college. Some will be as recent as this week. All will be uncensored and unabashed.
May
Where the fuck is Connecticut
June
Is teaching hard
Cheap flights to Connecticut
Do I wear a tie under my grad gown
Where the fuck is Queens
How much do managers at Teach for America make
Are Teach for America people smart
July
Criticisms of Teach for America (I remember this search quite clearly. I spent two hours reading and listening, and all the while my concerns and frustrations were poignantly, gloriously validated.)
How in the Sam Hell is Teach for America still a functioning, even thriving, program
August
Bikes on Craigslist
Bike trails in Hartford
Bike trails near Hartford
Bike trails within 50 miles of Hartford
Do bike trails exist in the state of Connecticut
Bike repairs near me
As a new teacher, WHAT DO I DO ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL? GOOD GOD SOMEONE HELP ME
Popular candy for Hartford youth
September
How does one go about teaching well, or at least adequately
How do you teach Language Arts to a group of underprivileged, impoverished, disregarded kids when you know little about them–their lives, living situations, community, language, food, music preferences, favorite types of candy...? Oh postscript, some don't speak a wink of English
Magazine jobs
Newspaper jobs
Magazine internships
Newspaper internships
Writing jobs
How to get a new job FAST
The best damn candy in Hartford
Piano Guys
October
Really good pump-up music
Really uplifting videos
Really good stories
Fun things to do when you don't have time to do anything
How to breathe calmly in the face of a shitstorm
How to have a mild panic attack without your students noticing
How to threaten students without getting fired
How to survive when survival no longer seems apparent
Cheap candy
November
Punctuation lessons
Spelling lessons
Homophone lessons
Engaging lessons for The Lightning Thief
Thanksgiving lessons
Watch The Lightning Thief movie, for free
Short stories for seventh graders
How to do a gallery walk without letting students walk around
What to do when a student is bullied
Shitty candy
December
Dealing with post-holiday stress disorder
Cheap flights to Portland
What to do when two students think they're in love but in reality would probably hate each other if they took twelve minutes to sit down and talk to one another rather than spend all their waking fucking hours hugging
HOW DO YOU COACH A BASKETBALL TEAM
Simple basketball plays
Inspirational quotes for athletes
Basketball shoes
How can you win a basketball game without a single player having the necessary skill required to put the ball into the hoop
That's all for now. I hope you know a little bit more about my experience after that friggin' thrill ride. If you're not feeling thrilled, maybe you had too much fun sledding down the friggin' hills in snowy Oregon. By the way, I find it really damn ironic that Oregon got snow before Connecticut. Connecticut, the little, bad state that was allegedly going to be riddled with shitstormy snow storms, so bad that I felt it necessary to buy a car to survive the "harsh New England winter." There's been zero snow on the ground over here, and over in Oregon, children are laughing and frolicking in the powdery goodness.
I find it almost comical to look back at the unlikely trajectory of my immediate post-graduate life. For example, How the hell did I become a (temporary) teacher?! When did I go from young-blood aspiring journo to stressed-out faux teacher?
These are things I ask myself. And though concrete answers may not be readily available through my search history, at the very least it can provide revealing snapshots of the progression of this seemingly random series of events.
I'll now share with you some of my more revealing searches from the past six months. Some will be as far back as the weeks before I graduated college. Some will be as recent as this week. All will be uncensored and unabashed.
May
Where the fuck is Connecticut
June
Is teaching hard
Cheap flights to Connecticut
Do I wear a tie under my grad gown
Where the fuck is Queens
How much do managers at Teach for America make
Are Teach for America people smart
July
Criticisms of Teach for America (I remember this search quite clearly. I spent two hours reading and listening, and all the while my concerns and frustrations were poignantly, gloriously validated.)
How in the Sam Hell is Teach for America still a functioning, even thriving, program
August
Bikes on Craigslist
Bike trails in Hartford
Bike trails near Hartford
Bike trails within 50 miles of Hartford
Do bike trails exist in the state of Connecticut
Bike repairs near me
As a new teacher, WHAT DO I DO ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL? GOOD GOD SOMEONE HELP ME
Popular candy for Hartford youth
September
How does one go about teaching well, or at least adequately
How do you teach Language Arts to a group of underprivileged, impoverished, disregarded kids when you know little about them–their lives, living situations, community, language, food, music preferences, favorite types of candy...? Oh postscript, some don't speak a wink of English
Magazine jobs
Newspaper jobs
Magazine internships
Newspaper internships
Writing jobs
How to get a new job FAST
The best damn candy in Hartford
Piano Guys
October
Really good pump-up music
Really uplifting videos
Really good stories
Fun things to do when you don't have time to do anything
How to breathe calmly in the face of a shitstorm
How to have a mild panic attack without your students noticing
How to threaten students without getting fired
How to survive when survival no longer seems apparent
Cheap candy
November
Punctuation lessons
Spelling lessons
Homophone lessons
Engaging lessons for The Lightning Thief
Thanksgiving lessons
Watch The Lightning Thief movie, for free
Short stories for seventh graders
How to do a gallery walk without letting students walk around
What to do when a student is bullied
Shitty candy
December
Dealing with post-holiday stress disorder
Cheap flights to Portland
What to do when two students think they're in love but in reality would probably hate each other if they took twelve minutes to sit down and talk to one another rather than spend all their waking fucking hours hugging
HOW DO YOU COACH A BASKETBALL TEAM
Simple basketball plays
Inspirational quotes for athletes
Basketball shoes
How can you win a basketball game without a single player having the necessary skill required to put the ball into the hoop
That's all for now. I hope you know a little bit more about my experience after that friggin' thrill ride. If you're not feeling thrilled, maybe you had too much fun sledding down the friggin' hills in snowy Oregon. By the way, I find it really damn ironic that Oregon got snow before Connecticut. Connecticut, the little, bad state that was allegedly going to be riddled with shitstormy snow storms, so bad that I felt it necessary to buy a car to survive the "harsh New England winter." There's been zero snow on the ground over here, and over in Oregon, children are laughing and frolicking in the powdery goodness.