1. I think I wanna buy a (used) car. Dark green. Mean. But distinguished.
2. Oops, already did that.
3. I think I'll miss riding my bike to school more than I'll enjoy not getting soaked on watery mornings.
4. Speaking of school, I told a class yesterday that I'd do a handstand if they simmered the eff down.
5. Their jets cooled, so I kept my word. Their phones came out faster than paparazzi's. I said they could get whatever footage their hearts desire, just don't put it on the Internet.
6. The next morning, three different students came up to me and said, "Yo, Mr. Londberg, you can do a handstand?! I saw it on Facebook!"
7. I tried the handstand incentive again today. Kids ate it up like the donuts I still haven't brought them. I just don't do food incentives–I'm way too selfish to pull that off.
8. Speaking of food, as part of my ongoing Teach for America "training," I spent ninety minutes of my life one day this week in a too-cold classroom, listening to a too-cute teacher talk about a too-unuseful topic.
9. Luckily capital-t They fed us paper-thin pizza from Domino's, which a friend swiped a box of and gave me a few slices for lunch the next day.
10. I clung to my four tiny squares as I walked to Professional Development. When I got there, I learned our principal had bought us...pizza. Greasy, fat slices, and not from friggin' Domino's.
11. Teach for America brought in $270 million in revenue in 2011, according to Forbes, and capital-t They buy their beloved corps members Domino's friggin' pizza.
12. I got some mail from my momma. One piece was a bill from the UO for $180.
13. I thought I'd made a clean getaway from the institution, so I called up the accounting office.
14. She said it was for parking tickets. From April. I laughed.
15. Then cried.
16. Then paid it.
17. I think I'm developing carpal tunnel from writing these blogs in funky positions because I'm too tired to adjust my body.
18. Never before in my life have I been too tired to adjust my body. First sign of aging, I think.
19. Second sign: a few days ago I crossed my arms over my chest. The skin on my right arm where my left hand pressed against it appeared saggier than normal. Maybe I'm losing my mind, but I swear there were extra lines rippling my bicep.
20. I recently got a package from my high school math teacher. It was his bicycle saddlebag from old–faded red and dirty and perfect.
21. I strapped the fanny-pack-for-a-bike to my own set of wheels.
22. Though this gift may be worth next-to-nothing, it is utterly priceless to me. If I can leave the impression that he left on me for just one of my students, then I'll be doing something very right.
23. My computer charger has become suddenly ill.
24. And it's getting worse–so bad that I have to raise the cord above the computer for it to work.
25. So I drape the cord over the lid and giggle to myself that my baby has rolled its ankle for the first time. 26. "Keep that ankle above your heart," I coo.
27. Over halfway there. Maybe 50 was too ambitious, I think as I consider if I should break here or power through.
28. I wonder if you're wondering if this line was written after a break or not.
29. (It wasn't, but this one was.)
30. Two of the four teachers on my floor will be out tomorrow.
31. Thus my inescapable fate, before tomorrow ends.
32. Adding to the above probable outcome, it's 10:30 p.m. and I have no idea what I'm doing tomorrow. Not a damn clue.
33. Back to the car I just bought. The cruel irony is that I can't drive it because it's not yet registered. And the DMV closes before I even get out of school during the week. So that leaves Saturdays for the dreaded visit to the Department of Manufacturing Vexed-ness.
34. Which was closed last Saturday for Columbus Day.
35. So on that day, instead of going to the DMV, I just sat in my parked car, visualizing cruising around town, a backseat full of groceries that I don't have to haul home on a bike.
36. Fifty is too much. We're going to move to some quick hitters now:
37. When exiting an area with a group, one can say: "Let's make like a baby and head out."
38. Or: "Let's make like a Boeing and jet."
39. Also: "Let's make like R. Kelly and bounce."
40. Or perhaps: "Let's make like a page and leaf."
41. I've always enjoyed the allegorical power of trees.
42. On heartbreak: Just as a tree grows slowly, so must a heart mend. In time, it will become full as a pine, strong as a baobab.
43. On finance: The root of happiness comes not from the money that grows on trees but from the limbs you must navigate to reach the money.
44. On relationships: The bird flies south without knowing where it'll land, yet still it flies south.
45. On writing: Words have roots, like trees. Your words are limbs for your reader to climb to see above the forest line.
46. On ethics: Trees sway to and fro in a strong wind, but the resilient do not break. Bend with your expanding mind, but do not break.
47. On fear: The tree that falls does make a sound but sometimes is not heard. Voice your fears to yourself before someone hears them.
48. On ideas: Nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time has come. Except a baobab.
49. Whew, had to pull out my Twitter archive to bring me to the brink of completing the longest list I've ever attempted.
50. Oh, almost forgot one. On teaching: Ignorance is sunshine and knowledge is shade. And I am a tree.
Shout out to Peter King, whose column "Five Things I Think I Think" in Sports Illustrated I read for many years, and whose title I still clearly remember.
2. Oops, already did that.
3. I think I'll miss riding my bike to school more than I'll enjoy not getting soaked on watery mornings.
4. Speaking of school, I told a class yesterday that I'd do a handstand if they simmered the eff down.
5. Their jets cooled, so I kept my word. Their phones came out faster than paparazzi's. I said they could get whatever footage their hearts desire, just don't put it on the Internet.
6. The next morning, three different students came up to me and said, "Yo, Mr. Londberg, you can do a handstand?! I saw it on Facebook!"
7. I tried the handstand incentive again today. Kids ate it up like the donuts I still haven't brought them. I just don't do food incentives–I'm way too selfish to pull that off.
8. Speaking of food, as part of my ongoing Teach for America "training," I spent ninety minutes of my life one day this week in a too-cold classroom, listening to a too-cute teacher talk about a too-unuseful topic.
9. Luckily capital-t They fed us paper-thin pizza from Domino's, which a friend swiped a box of and gave me a few slices for lunch the next day.
10. I clung to my four tiny squares as I walked to Professional Development. When I got there, I learned our principal had bought us...pizza. Greasy, fat slices, and not from friggin' Domino's.
11. Teach for America brought in $270 million in revenue in 2011, according to Forbes, and capital-t They buy their beloved corps members Domino's friggin' pizza.
12. I got some mail from my momma. One piece was a bill from the UO for $180.
13. I thought I'd made a clean getaway from the institution, so I called up the accounting office.
14. She said it was for parking tickets. From April. I laughed.
15. Then cried.
16. Then paid it.
17. I think I'm developing carpal tunnel from writing these blogs in funky positions because I'm too tired to adjust my body.
18. Never before in my life have I been too tired to adjust my body. First sign of aging, I think.
19. Second sign: a few days ago I crossed my arms over my chest. The skin on my right arm where my left hand pressed against it appeared saggier than normal. Maybe I'm losing my mind, but I swear there were extra lines rippling my bicep.
20. I recently got a package from my high school math teacher. It was his bicycle saddlebag from old–faded red and dirty and perfect.
21. I strapped the fanny-pack-for-a-bike to my own set of wheels.
22. Though this gift may be worth next-to-nothing, it is utterly priceless to me. If I can leave the impression that he left on me for just one of my students, then I'll be doing something very right.
23. My computer charger has become suddenly ill.
24. And it's getting worse–so bad that I have to raise the cord above the computer for it to work.
25. So I drape the cord over the lid and giggle to myself that my baby has rolled its ankle for the first time. 26. "Keep that ankle above your heart," I coo.
27. Over halfway there. Maybe 50 was too ambitious, I think as I consider if I should break here or power through.
28. I wonder if you're wondering if this line was written after a break or not.
29. (It wasn't, but this one was.)
30. Two of the four teachers on my floor will be out tomorrow.
31. Thus my inescapable fate, before tomorrow ends.
32. Adding to the above probable outcome, it's 10:30 p.m. and I have no idea what I'm doing tomorrow. Not a damn clue.
33. Back to the car I just bought. The cruel irony is that I can't drive it because it's not yet registered. And the DMV closes before I even get out of school during the week. So that leaves Saturdays for the dreaded visit to the Department of Manufacturing Vexed-ness.
34. Which was closed last Saturday for Columbus Day.
35. So on that day, instead of going to the DMV, I just sat in my parked car, visualizing cruising around town, a backseat full of groceries that I don't have to haul home on a bike.
36. Fifty is too much. We're going to move to some quick hitters now:
37. When exiting an area with a group, one can say: "Let's make like a baby and head out."
38. Or: "Let's make like a Boeing and jet."
39. Also: "Let's make like R. Kelly and bounce."
40. Or perhaps: "Let's make like a page and leaf."
41. I've always enjoyed the allegorical power of trees.
42. On heartbreak: Just as a tree grows slowly, so must a heart mend. In time, it will become full as a pine, strong as a baobab.
43. On finance: The root of happiness comes not from the money that grows on trees but from the limbs you must navigate to reach the money.
44. On relationships: The bird flies south without knowing where it'll land, yet still it flies south.
45. On writing: Words have roots, like trees. Your words are limbs for your reader to climb to see above the forest line.
46. On ethics: Trees sway to and fro in a strong wind, but the resilient do not break. Bend with your expanding mind, but do not break.
47. On fear: The tree that falls does make a sound but sometimes is not heard. Voice your fears to yourself before someone hears them.
48. On ideas: Nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time has come. Except a baobab.
49. Whew, had to pull out my Twitter archive to bring me to the brink of completing the longest list I've ever attempted.
50. Oh, almost forgot one. On teaching: Ignorance is sunshine and knowledge is shade. And I am a tree.
Shout out to Peter King, whose column "Five Things I Think I Think" in Sports Illustrated I read for many years, and whose title I still clearly remember.