Introduction
Teacher vs. Student: The Game® was developed after years of observing, analyzing, testing and retesting the complex dynamic that takes place in every classroom in America, hell in every classroom in the world. This dynamic creates uncanny psychological clashes between educator and pupil, and we, the creators of Teacher vs. Student: The Game®, are proud to declare we've finally harnessed the gritty reality of a classroom and transformed it into a fun-filled game fit for all ages. Enjoy!
Equipment
You will need:
Object
Break your opponents. Rip out the souls of your challengers. It may sound simple, but it requires a tenacious and taxing commitment to the game. The last masochistic sonuva standing is declared the winner. Keep reading.
Preparation
Set up your living room, dining room, or tree house so that all chairs face a central point, preferably one with a whiteboard or chalkboard. Eat copious amounts of sugary sweets before beginning play. Also, we encourage you to express any secret feelings you may have toward other opponents. This could mean calling a crush cute. Or telling a fat person he needs to wear at least a B-cup bra, because those things look like a pendulum when he walks, swinging to-and-fro like that. Be as creative here as the students we've observed!
Rules
N/A
The Roll to Die™
Take out the Roll to Die™ dice. Assign each person a number. The oldest person rolls first, and the player whose number matches the numerical value of the dice becomes the game's first teacher. The teacher then draws from the What the Fuck Am I Going to Teach Today?!™ deck of cards. The lessons written on the cards can vary from expeditionary-style workshops to Socratic discussions to droning college lectures. In other words, you will not be prepared for whatever card you draw. (The game was designed to simulate the utter bombardment of duties that a first-year teacher is ill-equipped and unprepared to take on. Hey, you bought this game for some inane reason.)
Game Play
This, my friends, is where it gets good. The lesson begins as the players take their seats. Each player draws a card from the This Teacher Ratchet™ deck. Each card has an action that the player must perform for the duration of the lesson. For example:
Declaring a Winner
Winning this game takes guts, grit, gall, and a little bit of luck. Contestants are eliminated from the game if they are hitting people at any point, if they must take a break from the game, or if they start crying hysterically. Good luck and teach on, teachers.
Teacher vs. Student: The Game® was developed after years of observing, analyzing, testing and retesting the complex dynamic that takes place in every classroom in America, hell in every classroom in the world. This dynamic creates uncanny psychological clashes between educator and pupil, and we, the creators of Teacher vs. Student: The Game®, are proud to declare we've finally harnessed the gritty reality of a classroom and transformed it into a fun-filled game fit for all ages. Enjoy!
Equipment
You will need:
- Pencils and pens
- More pencils
- A broom + dustpan (cause your floor 'bout to get messy)
- Even more pencils (you're gonna need so many pencils it will jar your mind, but don't worry about that just yet)
- Tissues, for the inevitable tears to be shed
- Band-Aids, for the blood
- Water
- Paper balls to pelt opponents in the dome
- Salt, to sprinkle into their wounds
- Already sucked-on sunflower seed casings
- More patience than Mother bleeping Teresa
Object
Break your opponents. Rip out the souls of your challengers. It may sound simple, but it requires a tenacious and taxing commitment to the game. The last masochistic sonuva standing is declared the winner. Keep reading.
Preparation
Set up your living room, dining room, or tree house so that all chairs face a central point, preferably one with a whiteboard or chalkboard. Eat copious amounts of sugary sweets before beginning play. Also, we encourage you to express any secret feelings you may have toward other opponents. This could mean calling a crush cute. Or telling a fat person he needs to wear at least a B-cup bra, because those things look like a pendulum when he walks, swinging to-and-fro like that. Be as creative here as the students we've observed!
Rules
N/A
The Roll to Die™
Take out the Roll to Die™ dice. Assign each person a number. The oldest person rolls first, and the player whose number matches the numerical value of the dice becomes the game's first teacher. The teacher then draws from the What the Fuck Am I Going to Teach Today?!™ deck of cards. The lessons written on the cards can vary from expeditionary-style workshops to Socratic discussions to droning college lectures. In other words, you will not be prepared for whatever card you draw. (The game was designed to simulate the utter bombardment of duties that a first-year teacher is ill-equipped and unprepared to take on. Hey, you bought this game for some inane reason.)
Game Play
This, my friends, is where it gets good. The lesson begins as the players take their seats. Each player draws a card from the This Teacher Ratchet™ deck. Each card has an action that the player must perform for the duration of the lesson. For example:
- Throw a paper ball every time the teacher turns around.
- Scream instead of talk when the teacher calls on you.
- Cry
- Call opponents racist for entirely illogical reasons. Call the teacher racist when he or she disciplines you for it.
- Stare at the teacher without blinking for as long as possible.
- Talk. Talk some more. Talk like you have a single day to voice a lifetime's worth of purposeless banter.
- Put your head down and feign sleep. When the teacher is physically rocking your body back and forth to rouse you, and other pupils are practically screaming at you to wake up, continue feigning sleep.
- Tell the teacher you need a pencil...seventy-six times.
- Ask to go to the bathroom even though you don't have to go.
- Raise your hand but don't say anything when called on. Keep your hand thrust straight into the air for the entire lesson.
- Pass notes back and forth with another player, but only when the teacher is looking.
- Get out of your seat and walk around aimlessly, literally aimlessly. So aimlessly that you physically bump into objects, chairs, and other people in the room.
Declaring a Winner
Winning this game takes guts, grit, gall, and a little bit of luck. Contestants are eliminated from the game if they are hitting people at any point, if they must take a break from the game, or if they start crying hysterically. Good luck and teach on, teachers.